It only takes one person to turn your life around, my mother told me as I reluctantly re-entered the dating market after the collapse of my last long-term relationship. Five years on, and still single, I can confirm she was right, but that person wasn’t who I thought it was. After watching Seema Patel, Carrie Bradshaw’s new BFF in And Just Like That, I was reminded that it’s my fellow single friends, not the men I’ve dated, that have transformed the quality of my life over the past half-decade.

Carrie meets Seema, her realtor (or ‘estate agent’ to us Brits) in episode four of the first season when she decides to sell the apartment she shared with her late husband, Big. The pair hit it off, with Seema, a glamorous, single woman in her 50s, opening up to Carrie about her dating app journey and search for a romantic partner. 

In an interview around the time of the first season’s release, showrunner Michael Patrick King described Seema as a “very important character because she’s single”, adding “[She and Carrie] are both alone. So whether that translates into going out on other dates or whether it translates into them becoming a couple of comfort… There’s an interesting life that can be there”. And just like that, Seema’s entrance into Carrie’s life drives the plot for myriad possibilities in the episodes that follow. She’s not just a supporting character (some have even called for a ‘Seema spin-off show’), but an inspirational, empowering force in the lives of both Carrie and the show’s audience.

It’s the same sense of real-life possibility that I felt when I met my friends Carla and Angelica shortly after the first lockdown in 2020. Back then, after experiencing months of isolation due to government restrictions (I live alone) at a time when most of my close friends were in relationships, being single felt like a curse. As the world reopened, I wanted to make up for lost time but found I had fewer single friends to go out with. Thankfully, I soon met someone – two people, in fact. 

Angelica, a fellow journalist, contacted me on Twitter to invite me to contribute to an anthology she was compiling, titled Unattached, which explored the single experience. Around the same time, I met Carla – who messaged me on Instagram after reading an article I wrote about spending lockdown alone. Both friendships developed quickly, as we bonded over our shared experiences of being single over the previous few months.

With the help of these friendships, the world became my oyster. London went from the lonely place it had been during the pandemic to the vibrant capital city I loved. We introduced each other to our favourite Soho bars (just like Seema promises Carrie and newly single Nya Wallace that she’ll show them ‘the best place to meet single men’). We’ve been each other’s plus ones for work events and parties, albeit nowhere as glamorous as when Seema accompanies Carrie to the Met Ball in the new season. We’ve holidayed together in New York, Lisbon and Tel Aviv. Sometimes we’ve met men while out together; at other times, we’ve simply enjoyed each other’s company, but either way, being out IRL is much more fun than solitary swiping on apps at home.

It isn’t all glamorous get-togethers. What makes as much of a difference is having someone to share everyday experiences with, the way you might with a partner. The winter before last, after discussing how we often felt lonely on Sunday nights (inevitably falling into a dating app or Instagram doomscroll), my friends and I began a Sunday evening ritual: congregating on someone’s sofa to eat Cadbury’s chocolate buttons, drink tea and catch up. It reminded me of Seema and Carrie’s first hangout session, where they order sushi takeaway: “And just like that, we began our real friendship,” narrates Carrie. It’s these tender moments – not at a bar table drinking cosmopolitans – that showcase the true value of single friendships.

In Sex And The City, Carrie was often called out for being a bad friend (I still can’t forgive her for the time she sent her boyfriend Aidan to rescue a naked Miranda after she strains her neck), but she’s more supportive of Seema – for instance, when she attends her family’s Diwali party. In the Seema-Carrie relationship, the showrunners have shown the greater scope for what friendship can represent; something more akin to what social psychologists call ‘an emotionship’ (a close bond that helps you regulate your emotions, that may well be platonic) than a drinking buddy. That’s what I’ve discovered in my ‘Seema’ friendships: you don’t need to lean on a romantic partner for this type of support. 

Perhaps it’s no wonder they’ve had such an impact. Countless studies have shown that friendship – rather than romantic or familial ties – dictates your life quality and wellbeing, and having couple-friends (when you’re married) can have a positive impact on your relationship. So why should having like-minded friends, as a single person, be any different? Having experienced being the sole single friend, I’ve realised that any life experience can be lonely without someone to share it with. Much like Charlotte needs her fabulous mum-friend Lisa Todd Wexley (Nicole Ari Parker) to navigate playground politics, we Carries need our Seemas.

I’ve found this particularly true while navigating the world of dating, which can be fun – I know my coupled-up friends are intrigued by this world of adventure – but it can equally be an ego-shattering endurance test. I need dating ‘allies’ to debrief with, who can empathise in real-time, in a way other friends – some of whom have been in relationships since before dating apps were invented – can’t. It’s no coincidence that it’s Seema who supports Carrie when she makes her foray into dating apps. I get that same support in my shared WhatsApp group and regular meet-ups with single friends (of whom I’ve made a handful since first meeting Angelica and Carla). 

These newer friendships don’t mean my other ones have suffered. For instance, two of my closest, and oldest, friends have been coupled-up for most of our adult lives, and yet we still consider each other our life partners. In terms of my love life, their perspectives are different, but just as valuable as my single friends – providing a vicarious insight into the kinds of healthy, romantic relationships I’d like to be in someday. In a practical sense, having single friends has stopped me from putting undue pressure on those at different life stages. For instance, I don’t expect my friends who are new mums to be available for last-minute drinks, nor do I resent the couple-friends who prioritise their annual leave to holiday with partners – because I have others to go away with.

It would be unrealistic to expect all your friends to be at the same romantic stage all at once. Things inevitably change: for instance, Angelica recently gave birth to a baby girl after finding love in – funnily enough – New York last year. As demonstrated by Carrie and Miranda becoming newly single in their 50s (for very different reasons) in season one, romantic relationships can end at any time. Statistically, our friendships often outlast our romantic relationships in length, extending far past the ‘single’ years of your 20s and 30s. Shared singledom is just one quality to bond over, and just one of the life stages you might navigate together in the course of a friendship. And yet, I have no doubt that my life, just like Carrie’s, would have looked very different over the past few years, if not for the Seemas I’ve met. 

Francesca Specter is a London-based author (Alonement: How To Be Alone & Absolutely Own It) and host of the Alonement podcast. You can follow her latest writing by signing up to her weekly Substack newsletter, The Shoulds.

Images: Sky; courtesy of Francesca Specter