I’m at that awkward phase of adolescence where I’m wearing a bra just for the straps to act as evidence that I’m wearing a bra, and girls have boyfriends they never speak to. Until now, I’ve been in a friendship trio with Penny* and Anna*. I was friends with each of them first, and we cemented our new group dynamic with a sleepover. But now I’m sitting in a toilet cubicle between the two of them, listening to them laugh and mock me, unaware that I’m sitting here, silently listening. I’ll wait a few more minutes after they leave the bathroom and then pretend I never heard.

It next happens when I’m new to secondary school. I hang out with Hannah* and Laura*, and we saunter around the schoolyard at lunchtime. Laura rolls up her skirt, so I follow suit. Hannah starts using that anti-nail-biting polish that tastes disgusting, so I do too. Then I start to realise Laura and Hannah do many things without me, like sleepovers, double dates and shopping trips. I don’t say anything because there are no rules against this in a group friendship.

Then I hit adulthood. I spend a lot of time with Misty* and Claire*, and we pretend to study in the library and arrive at parties together. But it becomes increasingly apparent that Claire and I are friends with Misty, but Claire isn’t really my friend at all. I notice she tells Misty things I am not allowed to know, and the two have interests and activities together that don’t include me. Once, something I tell Claire gets held against me by Misty, and the two of them sit me down to tell all the ways in which I’ve become a terrible person. I cry in my room for hours and a huge wet patch appears on my pillow.

Friendship trios seem like a win-win situation; they’re less demanding than a two-person friendship, and a four-person friendship could too easily split into two camps. If TikTok is to be believed, it’s a very common format for friendship groups, with many videos glorifying the iconic three-person group chat with a funny name. But in my experience of friendship trios, it most often ends up feeling like two plus one. The two can sometimes be interchangeable, but the lone wolf is always watching through the window. Perhaps we’re incapable of genuinely spreading our affection and attention equally across two people. Perhaps we need the comfort and focus of a single friend at any given time. Whatever it is, trio friendships often feel like they come with in-built competition, ganging up and a sense of isolation.

This dynamic is seamlessly set up in season three of The White Lotus through Kate (Leslie Bibb), Jaclyn (Michelle Monaghan) and Laurie (Carrie Coon). The three women have been friends since childhood, something that’s repeatedly highlighted through their stories and inside jokes. A lot has changed since they were young. Jaclyn, a television star, exudes a high-maintenance aura, often leveraging her status within the group. Laurie, on the other hand, appears to be struggling, with Jaclyn and Kate subtly ensuring she remains aware of her lower standing. The power imbalance is evident, especially since Jaclyn financed their trip, which places her in a position of control.

The power dynamic feels more charged because Laurie appears to feel sidelined by the other two. She uneasily watches them as they converse, almost seeming to forget that she is also present. One of them will fleetingly become aware of this and hastily try to draw her into the discussion, but the guilt in their expression is palpable. In the trio’s final scene during the season premiere, Laurie retires to her room, clearly expecting the other two to do the same. She looks back and watches Jaclyn and Kate laughing together without her. Overwhelmed, she breaks down in tears. Perhaps there are other things going on in her life and this is the final straw. Or maybe this is a recurring theme in the friendship, where she is the single to their double. She may well fear they are laughing about her, in the egotistical paranoia that seeps into a friendship trio.

I have no doubt that we are about to witness the unravelling of this friendship group, or at least Laurie’s role in it. And it will come a devastating blow, perhaps one more painful than the end of a romantic relationship. It may be an overt moment of two against one or all three pitted against each other, rife with the trauma and memories of their decades-long friendship.

While The White Lotus is certainly setting us up to witness the downfall of this trio, it has also reminded me that not all friendship trios are doomed and that I am not completely blameless in my experiences with them. I’ve recently found myself in yet another three-person friendship, complete with a silly WhatsApp group name, and despite my hesitancy and fears, it seems to work. It feels like a baton being passed in a social relay: there’s a sense of trust that the two others will never discuss you maliciously, and there’s still room to be a duo within the trio, but it’s safe in the knowledge that we’ll always come back to a three.

So perhaps it can work, but it is rife with risks and insecurity. Perhaps it’s rare to find the trust and self-assurance needed for it. Either way, my group made it to a beach holiday and back without huge revelations or violence, but I don’t see the same happening for Jaclyn, Kate and Laurie…

* not their real names

Images: HBO