If there was one woman we’d happily take relationship advice from, it’s Michelle Obama.

The acclaimed author and former first lady continues to inspire us all and her 30-year relationship with Barack Obama is one that has long been admired. And she recently shared advice on the reality of marriage and long-term relationships.

Speaking to NPR’s Life Kit amid the release of her second book The Light We Carry: Overcoming In Uncertain Times, Michelle delved deep into her upbringing, career, family and relationship with Barack while adding that she is “fascinated” by young people’s approach to dating and shared her thoughts on how they might find a life partner who balances them out.

“When I talk about my relationship with my husband, it’s because I know that there are a lot of young people who are trying to figure out – what is a marriage? How do you shape a relationship?” she says.

“I am fascinated by how little we talk to young people, young adults, about what it actually means to partner with somebody. And what those compromises look like and, you know, pushing them to answer questions for themselves,” she continued.

“What are you trying to get out of this relationship with this other person? Have you thought it through? Are you seeking a wedding, or do you want a relationship? Those are two very different things.”

In the interview, Michelle also shared some wise words on the reality of marriage, and why everything isn’t always “50/50”.

“It’s not really one piece of advice. To me, it’s a philosophy [and] it’s an outlook,” she says. “In this age of ‘We want everything now, we want everything quick’, when life is everything but that, we have to understand that marriage is never 50/50.

“I have found that if you stick with it – over the course of your entire relationship you may have 50/50 over time. But if I look over my marriage, if I were to judge it in year five or year 10, there was never 50/50. 

“And so, yeah, there were times when I felt like I was 70% in and he was doing 30%, because of the choices that I made in the terms of how I wanted our family to look.”

While there will be “periods of hard” in relationships, Michelle said that compromise is a natural part of growth and love.

“As I have told young people who ask me about marriage, you have to be prepared to have long stretches of discomfort. And long – I mean, it could last for years,” she noted. “So I think it’s important for us to be honest in those conversations, not to glamorise what a partnership feels like because then young people quit too soon. They quit before they’ve really, you know, played out the full scenario.”

At a time when people often treat one another like they’re disposable, Michelle’s words provide an antithesis to a dating culture which is quick to ditch a partner at any minor inconvenience – and it may be the food for thought we really need right now.

Image: Getty