The series premiere delivered everything we hoped for: fabulous outfits, candid sex talk, outrageous one-liners and plenty of new adventures in the Big Apple. Truly, it was as though no time at all had passed since our beloved musketeers were last on our TV screens – only now, of course, they’re a trio.

But the first episode of the Sex And The City revival And Just Like That also broke our hearts. If you don’t know the shocking moment we’re referring to, proceed with caution – there are major spoilers ahead.

After attending Lily’s piano recital, Carrie returns home to discover that Mr. Big has suffered a heart attack after a tough workout on his Peloton. It’s too late to do anything though, and as she cradles him on the floor in her beloved blue Manolo Blahnik wedding heels, they gaze into each other’s eyes for the very last time. “And just like that…” she tells us, “Big died.”

Needless to say, it’s a plot twist few of us saw coming. But, as we learn, life keeps moving whether you want it to or not. And even in the midst of grief, there are still going to be happy, memorable moments – especially with the characters in this ensemble.

And so, just like I did with the first episode, Hello It’s Me, I’m going to break down my thoughts on the next instalment in the series. Come with me as I delve into Little Black Dress.

1. Brady and his girlfriend are having sex like rabbits and I think it’s going to take me a while to erase the image from my mind. 

2. Miranda and Steve, make it stop! Do something! My mental peace is at stake and your painting is about to fall off the wall.

3. The phone is ringing next to Steve and he’s ignoring it. “Steve, the PHONE,” barks Miranda, shooting laser beams from her eyes. 

4. You guessed it: it’s Carrie. Miranda heads straight over to console her and stays the night. Genuinely though, who would you want to stay over, rub your back and spoon you in an emergency? Don’t say your ex.

5. Oh god, Carrie watching funeral home adverts is an unbearably sad sight.

6. Anthony and Stanford are making up after their petty fight and telling each other how lucky they are to have each other. So sweet!

7. Stanford’s now asking Anthony if he’s wearing the cologne that he hates. Ah, back to normal.

8. Carrie and Charlotte are visiting a funeral home and Charlotte is making a scene, shock! She thinks it’s all her fault Big has died because she made Carrie attend Lily’s piano recital. I think we all know who the real villain is.

9. How does Charlotte just cry on demand like that? You have to hand it to her.

10. The mortician has now mistaken Charlotte for the widow because she’s sobbing so loudly.

11. They’re leaving. “It’s not you, it’s me,” Carrie’s just told the mortician. It never gets old, does it?

12. They’re using Ubers these days!

13. Miranda’s at the library and guess who she bumps into? Only Dr. Nya! Again! This poor woman can’t catch a break.

14. Miranda’s now telling Dr. Nya that she’s read How To Be An Antiracist. Picture me pinching the bridge of my nose and breathing deeply.

15. Uh oh, Lisa Todd Wexley has turned up for a lunch date and Charlotte’s forgotten! Nightmare.

16. Lisa is a vision to behold in jewellery that looks like Grecian treasure. As my mum would say, she’d make a bin bag look good.

17. Charlotte’s crying again. Sigh.

18. Miranda, Steve and Brady are having a family hug before the funeral, and you know what? It’s actually warming my glacial heart.

19. We’re at the funeral venue. Carrie’s flanked by Anthony and Stanford, who are suitably impressed by its chicness. Apparently it’s all down to the event planners: lesbians!

20. Eeek, Carrie’s about to kick off because there’s an enormous floral wreath on Big’s coffin. Guys, she didn’t want any flowers, goddammit.

21. Stanford’s preoccupied. Not by Big sitting there up front in the coffin, but Carrie’s lewk. “She’s kind of our Jackie Kennedy” he declares. Meme alert!

22. Enter the lesbian funeral planners. I have a LOT of questions.

23. Why does one look like a cross between Anna Wintour and Lady Gaga as Patrizia Reggiani in House of Gucci?

24. Why are they both wearing head-to-toe leather? If it’s not leather then that means it’s pleather, and I thought we all agreed to leave that behind in 2013.

25. The flowers, it transpires, are from Samantha. This is emotional.

26. Gloria, Big’s old secretary, is making me seriously consider purging my friendship group and making some intergenerational buddies. I actually want to hang out with her?

27. Che Diaz is here too, looking like they invented all-black everything, because they look so hot. Sorry, where was I?

28. Apparently Che used to be a bouncer at a “dyke bike club”. I believe it.

29. Susan Sharon is back, remember her? Me neither.

30. Susan is being wild and yelling at a grieving Carrie about reconnecting. It’s awkward as hell but the kind of scene you love to observe, as long as the drama has absolutely nothing to do with you.

31. Miranda just caught Brady smoking with Che outside. *Grabs popcorn*

32. Whew, Che’s eye contact is… intense.

33. Miranda’s now squaring up to Che’s and calmly promising to rip her goddamn head off if she doesn’t “back the fuck up from us right fucking now”. MAJOR Aries energy, I’m telling you.

34. Oh my god, hell hath no fury like Miranda protecting her child. This is divine.

35. Carrie has just re-introduced Miranda to Che, unaware they’ve just had a little tête-à-tête outside. Che is looking Miranda up and down and the sexual tension is heavy. Something’s blossoming here, I’ll put money on it.

36. Downstairs, there’s a giant bounty of funeral gifts in the lobby. Miranda, I agree: what part of ‘no flowers’ don’t orchid people understand?

37. Oh god, Carrie’s just taken delivery of Big’s ashes in a little cardboard box.

38. It’s OK, Miranda and Stanford are now on the scene, glugging martinis.

39. And now Charlotte’s dropped by unexpectedly. Look, does anyone like a visitor just dropping by without warning? You could be watching TV in your pants!

40. Charlotte’s crying again because she’s been left out.

41. Carrie’s now screaming in the lobby.

42. The nosy neighbour has emerged from his apartment. I think we can all agree, this is definitely real life.

Images: Sky/HBO