I often think that, as women, we’re used to tending to everyone else’s needs before our own. If we’re lucky enough to find solace in a beauty treatment from time to time – nails, hair or a facial, perhaps – it can bring comfort beyond mere aesthetics, offering us the opportunity to enjoy time that’s just for us. Some treatments even offer an opportunity to relax and unwind from our daily troubles, with one study finding that facials can enhance physiological relaxation by up to 42%.

And, it’s not just the relaxation that comes from something like a facial or massage that is doing us good. A large number of women are now turning to their beauty therapists for a form of emotional therapy too, discussing everything from their love lives to family dramas. Tinder released a study last week showing that 57% of single women aged 18–35 openly discuss dating with their manicurist, yet three in four of them don’t discuss their dating lives with friends and family.

It got me thinking about my regular manicure spot, Nails Bab in Birmingham, and how the nail artists there know every skeleton in my closet. During my manicures, I’ve told them things that even my closest friends don’t know. Last year, when I was caring for an unwell family member, they listened generously while I shared every minor detail of each hospital appointment. True to Tinder’s findings, they also know my car crash of a love life inside out.  

On the flipside, in my 14 years of doing make-up, I’ve kept many secrets myself. As a make-up artist, you’re right there in a person’s personal space and touching them – it breeds intimacy. Dominic Skinner, director of make-up artistry for Mac and judge on BBC’s Glow Up, agrees with this sentiment. “There’s something about being so close to someone,” he says. “They let their guard down and spill everything. You’re seeing this person in their most vulnerable state and at their rawest. I’ve heard people talk about getting revenge on an ex, splitting up with husbands, discovering affairs and having affairs. Because of the stories I’ve heard over the years, I’m a good person to talk to. Kind of like a therapist but with lipstick.”

Given my own tendency to overshare, I asked my hairdresser, Elliot Bute at Hershesons, what he made of it all. “I’ve been doing hair for 50 years, and we know everything,” he laughs. Though we revel in the fun moments, Tia Lewis, a nail artist at Nails Bab, is quick to add that this bond can be sacred. “One time a client I had become close to was pregnant. Unfortunately, she lost her child, and I was invited to the funeral. I was honoured she wanted me there. Despite only seeing each other every three weeks, you talk about such personal things that clients become part of your life.”

This reminded me of one of my own favourite clients turned friends. Many years ago she asked for help in choosing the right make-up for her partner’s funeral. I haven’t seen her in years, but I felt so emotional when she recently shared a beautiful family photo of her new partner and their baby. Skinner also relates to supporting a client through grief. “I helped someone find the perfect shade of blue eye pencil, because their mum said they always looked so beautiful in blue and they were going to her funeral. It still makes me emotional to think about that.”

There’s power in connecting with people you may not have otherwise met and gaining insights into lives that may be different from your own. Sterling Tull, the Brooklyn-based make-up artist responsible for Chappell Roan’s make-up for her Tiny Desk performance, shares how wonderful it is to open up with clients and discuss things that they may not be able to talk about with anyone else. “Because I’m a drag queen and lots of my work is queer-centric, people who wouldn’t be too thrilled talking to their parents about these topics are happy to share with me. Even people who aren’t queer like to ask me questions, like ‘What does it mean to be trans?’”

And sometimes, friendships can even form from close bonds developed at the salon. My artistry journey began at the Peaches and Cream salon in Liverpool, and I have such fond memories of co-founder Nicola Smith joining her clients in the club hours after she got them ready. Today, Smith says: “Going to your beauty appointment is like going to therapy, but it’s better because you laugh and you can all relate because you’re similar.” Her Peaches and Cream co-founder, Kate Matthews, explains how these bonds form when people discuss their shared experiences. “When I started at Peaches, I was up to all the same things the clients were up to – dating, trying to find love, hoping for the fantasy,” she says. “But romance is quite secretive. There’s shame around love and relationships and you can’t discuss these kinds of things with family. It’s so much more light-hearted when someone comes into the salon and says ‘I’m going on a date tonight.’ It’s exciting.”

The beauty industry has skyrocketed in recent years. Glam squads have become an extension of celebrity culture, from Kim Kardashian relaxing with long-time make-up artist Mario Dedivanovic to watching Lou Teasdale gallivant with the One Direction boys, showing how connections can form from spending so much time with clients. So, what can our ability to confide in our beauty therapists tell us about how secure we feel opening up to others – and what can we learn from this? 

Maybe if we listened more to our loved ones without judgment, we could cultivate this kind of bond elsewhere. It’s certainly something worth thinking about. In the meantime, I’m grateful to have my regular beauty treatments to laugh off the genuine hell hole that is dating in your 30s in 2024, and I’ll keep sharing everything with my beauty therapists.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, you can find support and resources on the mental health charity Mind’s website and NHS Every Mind Matters or access the NHS’ list of mental health helplines and services.

If you are struggling with your mental health, you can also ask your GP for a referral to NHS Talking Therapies, or you can self-refer.

For confidential support, you can also call the Samaritans in the UK on 116 123. 

Images: Adobe