“One of the hardest things was going to other events surrounding Christmas with my mum. You feel slightly uncomfortable. You feel like the whole room is moving around you and you’re just stuck in time and sad but slowly over time, it definitely gets easier,” Annabel says.

Making new traditions

Similarly, for Deepika Rajani, 35, it was losing special family moments that hurt the most the first year without her father – despite never having celebrated Christmas in a traditional sense.

“My dad was passionate about food – but there usually wasn’t a turkey in sight on Christmas Day. Instead, it was homemade pizzas, garlic bread and roast potatoes. It was the best meal I ever had,” Deepika remembers. “Not having an amazing ‘Christmas’ meal made by my dad was what I missed most.”

Following her dad’s death, Deepika and her family went to visit other relatives instead on Christmas Day. “We knew that we didn’t want to spend it alone so we went to spend it with family. The pain was still there but it was softened by the love and support we received from extended family,” she explains.

However you choose to mark Christmas this year is as individual as grief itself. There is no set way of doing it, and that applies to other milestones such as birthdays and anniversaries.

“You can only do what feels right for you,” Jill says. “Grief is emotional; acknowledge the painful feelings. Avoid spending too much time alone – we need others around us so we can share our thoughts and feelings, and remember that there is support available.”

She adds: “It is important to seek out support and help for your loss so that you do not continue to live your life in pain. No one deserves to live a life of sadness.”

After losing my mum, we then had to deal with Covid, which further isolated us. While I will always wish that my mum was there, I want my son Louis, who is two, to have incredible memories of Christmas the way that I do. This year we’re off to see our family in Canada. Louis is just at the magical age where he ‘gets it’ and is waiting for Santa. That is the best way to make sure she’s still with us.

“I resented other people just carrying on”: the reality of Christmas without a loved one